Poem: Elm and Ash

by Andrew Stucken

 Singledge Wood

Part 1

If only some more of these f****** trees

Would catch another deadly disease

If sudden oak death is no deception

I’ll look forward to better mobile reception

If we cut down the rest, build a

Frankie and Bennys

We can grow the economy

by THOUSANDS of pennies

Woods are for fly tipping

Waste products, and dogging

Fast food wrappers

And illegal logging

By people with names

Like Britney and Jaydon

Who have online liaisons

With someone from Aden

But as for their neighbour

They don’t even talk

And prefer their Wii-Fit

To having a walk

And burn motors, scorching

Three hundred year oak

While they hang the Green Man

From a branch, with a rope

While dogging

And snorting lines of coke.

Part 2

Pug-faced Saxon,

with superior smirk

Can’t hide his contempt for this

“verse-writing berk”

Why can’t you be normal

And do like the rest?

You’re  thinking too much

Mediocrity’s best

Apply the electrodes

And make him goodthinkful

Just far too sensitive

And needs a good skinful

All these poems and musing

Are downright weird

Next he’ll probably

Be growing a beard

Too intellectual,

Writing and thinking,

When he should be watching football

And drinking

Is he UKIP? A racist?


And fear that foreigners will

Bring in rabies?

Or Green, and thus

“equally dangerous”?

Just lacking irrational

Fear of strangers


If you don’t like it, clear off

Over some border

You clearly have

Some kind of disorder

And have no place

In England’s New Order